falling asleep without you

Since T deployed last year i havent been able to sleep much, what usually helps me to fall asleep is his cologne sprayed on HIS shirt that i wear every night to bed ( i know i know i sound like a freak lol but whatever helps right??) Smelling his cologne sends butterflys to my tummy and when i close my eyes it ALMOST feels like hes with me... But its like a slap in the face waking up the next morning, the familiar scent still in  the air, but no husband :( it breaks my heart all over again!
My ''deployment donut'' isnt helping either (excuse my language but) The bitch aint moving for SHIT! it has been stuck at the ''getting ecxited'' saying for quiet some time now ... WHO came up with that thing anyways... AND why did that person chose the saying  ''getting excited yet'' if its still MONTHS till homecoming. Doesnt make any sense to me LOL. I find myself more frustrated and irritated these days.. its been 8 months since T deployed, and its really hard for me to stay positive, i am usually one of those that ALWAYS say '' i am grateful for what i have, it could be worse'' but lately all i have to say is ''fuck you Deployment, FUCK YOU summer break, FUCK YOU upstairs neighbors Dogs for barking all day and night''